Ah, dieting. My favourite thing to talk/moan/complain about lately. As you could probably tell from my last post, dieting is a huge challenge for me. It’s not just a case of making healthy meals and losing weight, it’s a constant battle between weight loss and chocolate. Because I really love chocolate.
Anyway, my inability to stick to this diet properly has inspired me to write about the different thoughts, feelings and problems I’ve experienced over the past three months. I’m sure many other struggling dieters/healthy eaters can relate! Just be sure to substitute the foods I’ve mentioned for your favourites!
The “visualising how much you’ll lose” stage
Because it’s always nice to imagine that a diet can magically turn you into the next Tyra Banks. Even if you are 5ft 3 and not model material at all.
The “OMG, it’s been two hours since I’ve had any chocolate” stage
Which everyone knows is a ridiculous amount of time to go without chocolate.
The “I want to marry a lettuce” stage
Because they’re the crispest and loveliest of the salad family. And because you’re actually enjoying dieting this week.
The “get your greasy food away from me” stage
Where everyone becomes an evil demon trying to taunt you with their Tennessee beef burger. Where are my onion rings?
The “just a little treat won’t matter” stage
What’s one tiny pizza gonna do? Really?
The “I’ve lost loads of weight so fuck it” stage
Yeah, it’s okay if you have 14 chocolate bars, 6 bags of crisps and a pizza. You deserve it.
The “trying (but failing) to get back on it” stage
When you’ve had four salads but also rewarded yourself with takeaways, cake and chocolate. Oops.
The “writing passive-aggressive notes on the fridge” stage
Did you eat all that cake you horrible cake-eating monster? Are you really grabbing another yogurt? Do you think the peppers like sitting in the fridge on their own?
The “extreme and ridiculous effort” stage
Because you’re obviously going to exercise for 750,000 hours and eat no chocolate at all this month. Obviously.
The “do I really care at all” stage
Do you? Really? Is it really worth giving up pizza in favour of thighs that don’t jiggle?
The “oh shit, I’m back where I started” stage
Oh well, never mind. There’s always next week.
Yeah, diets are hard.
Can anyone relate?