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Enjoying Life and Being More Positive

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On September the 23rd I had a biopsy taken, because the specialist I’d been seeing said it was probably normal, but they needed to check it “just in case”. I’d been expecting the appointment to be a quick two minutes – you know, look at the area, say “yeah, cool that’s good”, then leave type of deal, so when she said this I was slightly annoyed that I’d have to have part of me hole-punched (I hate needles), but I wasn’t particularly afraid of any test results or anything.

During my biopsy appointment, I was told I’d get the results by post, and would probably be referred back to my doctor because it was nothing. I didn’t. Instead, I got a letter detailing another appointment with the specialist. When I rang the hospital, all they could tell me was that my appointment had been recommended by a doctor who specialised in young adults with cancer. When I asked them what that meant they said they weren’t allowed to give any further information on the phone, and that I’d just have to wait until my appointment.

Obviously, my mind quickly jumped from being okay, to worrying about all the things that could be wrong. I spent a lot of time during those few weeks researching what illnesses I might have and crying because it could be serious. I realise, it’s silly to do this and I should have just waited for my results, but the mention of oncology really panicked me and I became convinced that I wasn’t okay.

As it turns out, I’m fine. I have to see a specialist again, but it’s nothing serious, thankfully.

However, those three weeks of not knowing made me think about a lot of stuff. It made me think about all the things I’d missed out on because I was scared I’d get car sick, or get rejected or make a fool of myself. It made me think about all the times I’d been stubborn, angry and upset, and all those hours wasted over silly little things that didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

It also made me take some chances. I invited people to my birthday who I hadn’t spoken to in years. I went on car journeys, despite being terrified of getting car sick. I bought a selfie stick and silly face mats and used them in public. I know these don’t sound like major things, but to me they were huge. They were me ignoring my fears and doing what I wanted to do. And I’m so happy I did. I got to re-connect with friends, had some great days out and had such a laugh.

It’s sad that it took a scare like this to push me to do the things I wanted to do. Why does fear stop people from doing things? Why is someone saying ‘no’ so scary? I mean, a few months ago, I didn’t want to invite some old friends to my birthday because I was scared they’d reject me. And that’s ridiculous. It’s just one person, saying one word. One person who I hadn’t spoken to in years anyway. What difference would asking make?

You can’t let fear rule your life.

 

You really can’t. Because, when it comes down to it, all those times you failed, got rejected, or embarrassed yourself won’t mean a thing. It sounds cliched, but it’s the things you don’t do that you regret (by which I mean fun things, nothing illegal or evil, guys).

It may have taken a health-scare to get me there, but from now on I’m going to try, to “live life to the full” (as cheesy as that sounds). I’m going to try and be more positive, take advantage of every opportunity and make more time for the things I enjoy. I’m going to spend less time scrolling through social media, and more time reading, writing and having fun. Because life and health are so valuable, and we shouldn’t just waste that.

And yes, “living life to the full” does mean I get to have as many mince pies as I like this weekend!

I hope that all of you are doing okay, and I wish you every bit of happiness over the festive period. Eat, drink and be merry!

6 thoughts on “Enjoying Life and Being More Positive

  1. I had a lump about a decade ago in my breast and I had to get a biopsy because it was better to get it checked just in case. The needle didn’t hurt but because they used anaesthetic I had a numb chest, it was really weird. It was thankfully not cancerous but doctors checked up on it again in a year. Recently I found some much larger lumps, so I’ll have to go to a specialist again and get a biopsy again for all these lumps. You learn not to let these things get to you so much because there is no point living in fear. I find that many people, especially my parents, are easily fooled by the media and what they see on the news. They become afraid of simple things like living in a neighbourhood because someone got robbed. Yet we live in a town where people get shot all the time and there are many gangs… my friend told me there is no point because you might as well go outside paranoid that a brick is going to fall on your head and kill you.

    For some people it takes a small thing to make them realise, like in your case. I don’t know what it was for me but I think I mostly just realised the media was brainwashing and to take things with a grain of salt. There are some things we should be fearful about but I think we should mostly just be prepared for what *might* happen. Then it helps us deal with things better. I recently did a talk about fearing failure, in which I posed the idea that some things take a few tries, and we are almost doomed to fail challenges the first time. If we are doomed, then there is no point having the fear in the first place 🙂 It doesn’t quite apply to real life, but fear just holds us back most of the time!

  2. I love this post ♥ I’m so glad you are okay – when I started reading I was worried about what the next sentence would be. I love the ways you were able to realize things for yourself through what you experienced, and I feel like I relate to them a lot. I used to fear a lot of things, but then I learned it was fear that caused the negativity I felt though my usual bubble is very positive – maybe too positive, that sometimes others may force me to fear based on what they think. Life is too short to worry about what other people think! I’m also planning on going on an internet detox in January! 🙂 It’s much needed.

  3. I’m glad your biopsy didn’t lead to something life-threatening, but going through the worries of all the “what-ifs” can definitely give you a new perspective. I think it’s great that you’re trying to live more positively. Life’s too short to be ruled by fear, and that’s something I try to tell myself every day. At the least, I try to nab opportunities when I can. Never mind what some people think — what matters is that you’re doing what will bring you happiness!

  4. Exactly. That’s what I have been doing is letting the fear and despair get to me. I let the fear of being happy and actually being in a healthy relationship reel me back into bad and destructive habits. Habits that nearly costed my marriage. Believe me, it’s hard not to let fear get to you, but once you conquer it and allow the good things in your life to come to fruition, then you can really begin to live. I’m glad you’re doing alright and it wasn’t anything at all. I let it hurt myself, my husband, and the other people that care about me. Also, the car accident I had last December a year ago, was devastating to my mind and to my body, which stopped me and I’m still grasping that fear that holds me close, but I will eventually win. It takes time. If you ever need a friend, I’m here <3

  5. The beginning of your post had me worried there! I’m so glad it ended up being nothing serious! I always tell myself to stop looking at things online and self-diagnose myself. It just ends up freaking me out, and it’s never what I think it is.

    I love the message of your entry though. I have to admit I play it safe a lot, but there are some things you never know until you try. I think this is a good reminder to step out of our comfort zones and to have a more positive outlook on life 🙂

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