A few years ago, I wrote a letter to my 13-year-old self, and I was inspired by Chynna, Georgie and Pauline to write another one to an older version of me. Because I was still pretty clueless four years ago. Ah well. You live and learn, eh?
To fill you in, 20-year-old Amy was in her second year of university, working in a very busy retail job and spending the majority of her free time playing Candy Crush. She was never asleep before 3am, always rushing to meet university deadlines, and regularly buying things she didn’t need.
What’s ginger, really weird, and still thinks they’re hilarious?
Yes, it’s you. Of course it’s you. It’s always going to be you.
Anyway, hey! I’m you from the future. I’m here to tell you what you’re doing wrong, give you some friendly advice and confuse the hell out of you.
First things first: Facebook. Could you please stop posting over-dramatic statuses on there? No one wants to know about your exaggerated personal crises, thanks. Just stop pretending you’re in some tragic movie and get over yourself. No wonder people unfriend you all the goddamn time.
Secondly: money. Please could you save some more because mortgages are expensive and rental houses are a bit hit and miss. Do you want to sleep under a leaky roof and cry while your neighbours get so drunk they pass out by your door? No, you don’t. So please start saving.
And, finally: the important stuff…
You might be surprised to know that in four years you’ll be sharing your house/bed/personal space with a bald bloke who likes to listen to incredibly loud dubstep music and talks to literally everyone he meets. No, you haven’t been kidnapped. Yes, you’re in love. Confused yet?
Yeah, you would be. You know that “fairy-tale” relationship you’re in right now, where you feel all lovely and safe and secure and like he’ll never do anything to hurt you? Well, it’s all bullshit. You’re being treated like a fool, Amz, and it’ll all begin to crumble very soon. Sorry about that. Who knew we’d be so fucking naive, eh?
But don’t worry. In a couple of years you’ll meet someone better, and you’ll find out what real love really is. You’ll also stay over at his house share a lot and be forever afraid of using the bathroom in case you bump into one of his housemates. Because we’re awesome like that.
While we’re on the subject of relationships, could you please stop putting your horrible current one ahead of your friends? I know you think the sun shines out of his arse, but even so, there’s no need to drop your friends and cling to him like a pathetic little limpet. It’s not healthy, and you’ll be desperately apologising to everyone when he hurts you and you feel all alone. Luckily, they forgive you and you go back to being “besties for lyf” but still, it’s not on. They don’t deserve your shit, Amy.
I’m sorry uni isn’t going as well as you hoped. It does get better next year, though, if that’s any consolation. You actually enjoy it so much that you sign up for another year.
On a more positive note, your hair looks fab right now. I wish I had the energy to spend half an hour straightening it every day!
Lots of love,
Amy from the future (time machine not included)
P.S. Please tell me how you eat so much pizza and chocolate and still stay so thin. We no longer have that superpower and dieting is bloody horrible.