I started this year with a post about how I was going to become a hilarious super-blogger again, and write melodramatic posts about what was going on in my life. Instead, I got all melodramatic in the Ears, Nose and Throat clinic, and screamed a lot in front of a poor doctor just trying to do his job. And the blog writing didn’t really happen.
But oh well, it’s that start of a new year tomorrow, so I can pretend that I wasn’t a complete failure and convince myself that I’m going to achieve everything that I’ve ever wanted to achieve. Go me!
To end this almost blogless year, here are some of the main things that happened in 2018. Enjoy!
1. I forgot how to swallow food
You know that thing we take for granted every day, where we put the pizza into our mouths, chew it, then the magical neck tube sends it down to our stomachs? Well, my magical neck tube stopped playing ball and started playing a weird game of “no you fucking can’t eat this, let’s make you think you’re dying at every meal”.
So, while I didn’t actually forget how to do the swallowing thing, solid food wouldn’t go down properly and I spent a good couple of weeks ready to ring 111 at almost every meal. I constantly felt like I had a ball of air trapped in my throat and eventually it got to the point where I could barely even swallow liquids. And, if I couldn’t pour a can of Pepsi Max down my throat every ten minutes, then what would I do with my day?
To top it off, I managed to convince myself I was dying at work, because my throat felt like it had more bread stuck in it than a Warburton’s factory. Obviously, I was sent home and went straight to the doctors, but I’ve never been so terrified about dying at a bus stop and having my corpse chewed up by seagulls…
There are a lot of seagulls near where I work; I don’t just fantasise about seagulls.
This led to being misdiagnosed with tonsillitis, having heartburn so bad that I had to ring 111, and eventually being referred to an Ears, Nose and Throat specialist who shoved a camera up my nose and down my throat to see what was going on (see opening paragraph regarding the screaming that occurred as a result of said camera-shoving). Luckily it was just scarring from acid reflux that had made my throat smaller, and made it generally more difficult to swallow, so I was put on lanzoprazole and sent to see a speech and language therapist to get my neglected throat muscles working properly again.
I’ve been seeing the therapist since September and, although progress is so much slower than I ever thought it would be, I am finally starting to eat solid meals on a regular basis again. I can’t eat much in one go, and it takes me over an hour to eat a sandwich, but I’m a lot better than I was. Can’t wait till I can throw pizza into my face like I used to!
Note: If you tell your doctor you feel like you have a ball of air trapped in your throat, they will look at you like you said you like to staple dead foxes to your refrigerator and try to resurrect them through the power of interpretive dance.
2. I went to a couple of weddings
I’ve finally hit that age where my friends have started getting married, which means I get to awkwardly navigate making friends with a table full of strangers. It also means I get to eat lots of free food, learn how to floss (the dance, not the tooth thing) and cry as I realise we’re not sixteen anymore.
Seeing friends tie the knot has been emotional, but also a lot of fun. Though, apparently, the more weddings I have to go to, the more I’ll end up hating them, so hopefully I’ll get mine in before my friends start hating weddings so much that they throw rocks at me as I walk down the aisle.
3. I learned how to play roulette
I lost my casino virginity this year, which means I’m obviously now a professional gambler. If struggling to count chips at a table while a croupier laughs at me can be classed as professional…
4. I read lots of books
If you lined up all the books I’d read this year, you’d realise that I don’t have enough space in this house to store any more books and should probably stop buying them before I end up having to fill my fridge with the Brontes. Not that I’m judging you if your fridge is full of Brontes. You do you, hun.
So far, I’ve read 103 books this year, which is more than I’ve ever read any other year of my life. I’ll probably do a post on my favourite ones soon, so watch this space.*
*Or don’t, if you don’t like watching spaces. I’m not in charge of your life.
5. I visited lots of places in the UK
This year I visited Brighton, London, York, Manchester, Southport and lots of other places around the UK, along with lots of places around Leeds and Bradford (near where I live). I’ve really enjoyed seeing more of the UK, and plan to do a few more trips next year.
Plus, I’m saving for a mortgage and staying in the UK is so much cheaper!
6. I got glasses
Up until March, I didn’t realise that seeing everyone over a few metres away as blurry ghost people was a sign that I needed glasses. I’d been getting lots of headaches at work, and reading things at a distance was just a thing I thought people generally couldn’t do. Then, one night at a pub, I tried my friend’s glasses on and saw the world in magical high definition. Well, I saw the pub in magical high definition, but you get the picture.
After that, I made myself an appointment at the opticians, and now I only see blurry ghost people when I forget to take my glasses to work. Everyone loves a happy ending…
So that’s a brief summary of what happened over the past year. I will hopefully be posting a bit more in 2019, but the things I post about may be changing slightly, and I am planning to go through my old posts to get rid of anything I don’t want on here anymore. I’ll be explaining more about this when I write my 2019 goals, so keep an eye out for that.
For now though, Happy New Year!