I hope you are doing well and have enjoyed your year. I’m writing to tell you all about 2017 and ruin it for you *spoiler alert.*
It’s been a weird kind of year. You’ve done a lot of things that have challenged you, tested you and surprised you. You’ve had some amazing times with fantastic friends and some amazing times with people you met along the way. You’re probably not gonna believe some of it, but it did happen and you’re so much stronger and more confident for it.
I just thought you might appreciate a nice little list of some cool stuff that happened in 2017. And some of the weird stuff. Because it was never gonna be perfect was it?
1. You danced on stage with Kate Nash
Yes, this sounds very improbable, but after leaving the crowded “mosh pit” area which you are possibly now far too old and whiny for, you got asked to go on stage so you could do those awkward movements you like to call “dancing”. And it was great. Except your dress was quite revealing and we now have to hope that your nipples aren’t anywhere on YouTube…
2. You got asked to be a bridesmaid at your best friend’s wedding
With the question written inside a Pokeball. Because your best friend is the coolest.
3. You ended up in the newspaper
And your eyes were fully open, and you actually looked decent and happy, and some of your best friends in the world were there.
4. You assumed you were having an internal ultrasound and took your pants down before the doctor told you to
Apparently, they do the external one (on your stomach) first, and then do the internal one. Luckily, the doctor politely ignored your vagina while she rubbed gel on your stomach, but it was still bloody embarrassing.
5. You went on holiday with some people you didn’t really know
I understand that this doesn’t sound like you at all, but I can guarantee that this did in fact happen and you didn’t get taken over by robots or aliens or anything. You even had a really great time. Go you.
6. You walked to the top of a giant curly staircase and realised you never want to walk up a giant curly staircase again
But you can now put ‘walking round giant curly staircases’ on your CV, because you are fantastic at it.
Actually that’s a lie. You convinced yourself you were so dizzy that you could faint and had to have a rest in every room on the way up.
7. You met some people from the Internet
Three real-life human people who were really nice and didn’t run away when they found out how anxious and strange you are. You even got the chance to see some shady characters dealing drugs by a fountain and eat olives in a ridiculous fashion.
8. You went to London
And it was absolutely amazing beyond belief, and you definitely want to go back again and again, because it’s the most magical place ever and you just can’t believe how fantastic everything is.
9. You turned 25
And you still haven’t written a novel or jumped out of a plane or anything.
Lol JK, you’re doing alright.
10. You jumped out of a plane
Haha, no you didn’t. That’s a lie. Like you’d ever jump out of a plane.
11. You got engaged
Which was incredibly strange but totally magical and you can now walk round feeling like a Disney princess because you have a gorgeous ring.
12. You started going to open mic nights
You know the ones you always wanted to go to at uni, but we’re too anxious to? Yes, those.
13. You went on a lot of long car journeys
And they weren’t too horrible. YES!
14. You went to Hyper Japan
…which is an amazing Japanese-themed festival that you haven’t heard of yet. Don’t worry, you’ll love it.
15. You dressed up as The Joker and had your photo taken with a giant fake ham
I don’t even know what to say for this one…
16. You wrote this blog post
OMG, it’s like blogception!
And that’s it. Well, everything I can remember right now. I hope you enjoyed reading about everything and I wish you all the best!
Lots of love from,
P.S. Could you invest in some spare headphones, please? I/We are currently having to hold in the end so both ears work and I/we are not enjoying it. Thanks!