I wrote a post reviewing the thirty in thirty challenge that I finished over a month ago and I still haven’t posted it. For some reason, it has taken me over a month to be willing to add in the photos to it, and I’m not even planning to post it tonight. I am currently reading eight different books because starting things has always been my thing and finishing them never has. I am also sort of writing a novel, but I don’t even know where that’s going. I am no good at ending things and this really bothers me but it shouldn’t.
Over the past 6 weeks I have been balancing working full-time, seeing my boyfriend and attempting to prepare for my master’s degree in September. I have been trying to keep this blog going and keep writing every day. I have been trying to healthy eat and learn to play the keyboard and learn Italian. I have been filling in job applications and trying to improve things so I don’t have to work in customer service jobs forever. Needless to say that this has not exactly been successful and I’ve been really mad at myself for failing to do all this. But I shouldn’t be.
We are not made to be perfect. Not everything has to be completed like a checklist for the end of the day. We try, we fail, we try again. It doesn’t matter how many times we have to do it. It is not possible to balance everything. Even those who look like they have everything sorted are probably cutting corners like a man with a curve fetish. Not everything can be working alongside each other consistently. Life happens. We miss things out. We don’t do that written piece we planned to do six months ago. We are still reading Women in Love by D.H. Lawrence after starting it nearly a year ago. It doesn’t matter. The things we miss don’t take away from how successful or great we are. It’s the things we do that make us successful. It’s being happy and trying that makes success. Our lives will never be measured on how many times we failed or how many things we missed out on. People are so obsessed with how much they’ve missed when they should be thinking about how much they can do. So what if you’ve spent three years in a meaningless job just mechanically living. You haven’t missed anything. You have had all those nice moments at the end of your shift when you kick back and watch television. You are not a waste of anything. You are a brilliant human being and you can do exactly what you want to do and if you want to change something then do it, and if you don’t who cares?
I think we all have too many expectations on us as human beings to achieve all the time, and to be doing everything at once just because everyone else is. But the truth is, everyone is not doing that. Yes, some people are, and that’s brilliant for them, but we shouldn’t have to live by other people’s success. Just because one person is spending all their free time learning how to speak another language, it doesn’t mean I have to feel guilty for spending my free time lounging around and watching TV shows on Netflix. I don’t have to be constantly doing something productive to not be a failure. I can do what I want to do. I can fail as many times as I’d like. And it’s about time I realised that.
I am still trying to fit in all the things I want to do, but I’m not going to be so hard on myself when I don’t manage to anymore. I want to stop feeling like some human checklist, rushing through everything to tick a box. Doing things like that does not make anyone happy. My life is not going to be measured by the amount of ticks on a life success checklist, but by the happiness gained along the way. And that is absolutely fine.