Why are these strangers judging me for killing all the horses?

I have a new laptop. It involves Windows 8. This is scary. Utterly terrifying, even. I just want it to be the noughties forever.

This is how I’m feeling about the new device I have purchased. Everything is more modern. I’ve spent the last eight-ten years comfortably in the company of Windows XP, on the computer I have had for just as long. This is new and scary, and the woman in the shop told me that I’m apparently connected to the Internet all the time, so now I’m totally paranoid that tonnes of people are watching me as I paint turtles on Paint. Hey, does this thing even have Paint?

Technology has gotten weird. Everything is connected to the Internet, which although cool, makes me feel like an octogenarian technophobe being forced into a spaceship whilst wearing a robot costume. I am terrified. I’m a person who finds it seriously creepy that my boyfriend spends his time playing on his PS3 with strangers from all over the world. Solitary activities have now become shared, and we’re all being watched and judged as we shoot all the horses on Red Dead Redemption. Which is what actually happened to me when I went on Luke’s PS3, but apparently it was a friendly match so I wasn’t supposed to be killing the horses, which made me rather angry as on my GameCube I can kill as many horses as I damn well like without strangers from Brazil judging me for it.

Windows 8 is like a badly done treasure hunt, where it’s my job to find all my programmes just so I can actually be productive. It has no start menu. It has no start menu. And, most importantly, it has no start menu. I’m very distraught by this. I tried to click start and it took me to a sad page full of colours and pictures, which made me feel like I was at a rave full of drunk people, and I’m not really into raves full of drunk people. I couldn’t find Microsoft Word, or Paint, or solitaire. All I could see was rave lighting and it just made me feel terribly old. This is the future. The future is tonnes of bright icons that are supposedly meant for making our lives easier, when in actual fact they just make me want climb into the airing cupboard and cry in confusion. I like text-based menus. I like knowing what I’m clicking on. But that just makes me old-fashioned and out of touch according to Windows 8.

My menu is now so unorganised and sad and there are little pictures that move and tell me about news stories from around the world and I just don’t know if I can cope with this much interactivity. I don’t need the Internet in my life at all times. There is nothing wrong with an operating system where the menus just stay nice and still while I’m watching them. Nothing at all. Now I know how people felt when electricity was invented. What is this witchcraft?

My feelings on Windows 8
This is an image showing my feelings on Windows 8 (click to enlarge). They are not happy feelings.

Dramatic reaction to Windows 8 aside, I have a new laptop. Which means I have no excuse to not be able to quickly type out a blog entry or be around on the Internet. It is on the Internet all the time after all, as the woman in the laptop shop informed me to try and trap me into buying antivirus software because apparently Windows 8 finds it easier to catch viruses than a person cuddling strangers in the doctor’s. I have been very busy, so I will catch everyone up on all that soon. And I’ll also tell you about how I did with the 30 Day Challenge that I set myself. It is not too great, can I cheat and add extra days until I’ve done?

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  1. Windows XP was a good old operation system, and I loved Windows 7 even more. But now I’m stuck with Windows 8 and I’m not really a fan. I’ve done everything to make it look more like Windows 7! I installed some software that adds the start menu. I think it’s called Classic Shell.

  2. Windows 8 is weird, but alas, I haven’t had much time to devote myself to it. It seems okay, and even though there are some people that dislike it, I find it strangely interesting. I guess, because I’ve only messed with a few operating systems in my lifetime, and I wouldn’t mind messing with others.

  3. I don’t like Windows 8 either. Maybe that’s why I want to go into Mac OS X. In fact, the only icon that I always click in Windows 8 is the Desktop icon. The rest is like… bleh.

  4. Congratulations on getting a new laptop! I haven’t gotten accustomed to Windows 8 yet so I formatted it to Windows 7 instead *o*. But since you went from XP to 8, it’s worth the transition :). Though I don’t like how almost everything is dependent on the internet now. What if we don’t have the internet or there’s something wrong with it??!

    Good luck with getting used to Windows 8! I thought there should be some sort of programs list or something that has all of the programs in one screen aside from the splash screen?

  5. I also recently got a new laptop with Windows 8 on it and by far it is the most frustrating UI I’ve had to deal with. I mean, the differences between Macs & Windows 7 and later may exist, but at least it’s easy to flip between the two UI’s because they both work somewhat intuitively, but Windows 8 is just a completely different game. I think I finally got my head around how to work the computer now for me, but I’m 80% sure I’m doing everything entirely wrong and just winging it. Ah well.

  6. Windows 8 scares me. My friend at work has it on her laptop, and every time she needs help with something I shy away from all the colourful icons. I’m using Windows 7, at the moment, but I’m itching to go back to Mac.

  7. Whew, I feel the same dang way! My parents got a Windows 8 laptop and now they know how to use it better than me. WHAT? How can this be?? I’ve tried messing around on it and it’s just so confusing and everything feels like a janky phone with little apps. Why is everything turning into apps now?

    I’m just praying that my trusty Windows 7 laptop doens’t konk out anytime soon. Preferably for another five years. Because not only will I have to buy a new laptop, I’ll have to buy one I don’t know how to use. D:

  8. My mom has a Windows 8 and I dreaded navigating through useless programs just to get to whatever I need to use. I use Windows 7 because it seems to be the last version that doesn’t have that annoying splash screen that slow things down. As you can tell, I’m pretty bitter about it, I have begun contemplating switching to Mac full-time. Right now, I use Mac for artsy stuff only, but that may change if the next computer I get is Windows 8 only. On the other hand, I could look up ways to reformat it to Windows 7. We’ll see what happens. In the meantime, I’ll just hope that my Windows 7 doesn’t die out on my anytime soon. xD

  9. I had bought my new all-n-one desktop last year with Windows 8 pre-installed in it. But I got accustomed to it pretty fast. I was dreading that the new start menu will trouble me a lot since I was using XP on my old pc! but it really isn’t that hard. I hardly need to open the start menu n search for anything, instead I use the shortcut (Windows button + S) to search for what ever I want on the PC.
    For any Windows 8 related stuff, I can help u! 😀 😀 😀

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