The Eleven Stages of Dieting

Look at me thinking I’m Jamie Oliver…

Ah, dieting. My favourite thing to talk/moan/complain about lately. As you could probably tell from my last post, dieting is a huge challenge for me. It’s not just a case of making healthy meals and losing weight, it’s a constant battle between weight loss and chocolate. Because I really love chocolate.

Anyway, my inability to stick to this diet properly has inspired me to write about the different thoughts, feelings and problems I’ve experienced over the past three months. I’m sure many other struggling dieters/healthy eaters can relate! Just be sure to substitute the foods I’ve mentioned for your favourites!

The “visualising how much you’ll lose” stage
Because it’s always nice to imagine that a diet can magically turn you into the next Tyra Banks. Even if you are 5ft 3 and not model material at all.

The “OMG, it’s been two hours since I’ve had any chocolate” stage
Which everyone knows is a ridiculous amount of time to go without chocolate.

The “I want to marry a lettuce” stage
Because they’re the crispest and loveliest of the salad family. And because you’re actually enjoying dieting this week.

The “get your greasy food away from me” stage
Where everyone becomes an evil demon trying to taunt you with their Tennessee beef burger. Where are my onion rings?

The “just a little treat won’t matter” stage
What’s one tiny pizza gonna do? Really?

The “I’ve lost loads of weight so fuck it” stage
Yeah, it’s okay if you have 14 chocolate bars, 6 bags of crisps and a pizza. You deserve it.

The “trying (but failing) to get back on it” stage
When you’ve had four salads but also rewarded yourself with takeaways, cake and chocolate. Oops.

The “writing passive-aggressive notes on the fridge” stage
Did you eat all that cake you horrible cake-eating monster? Are you really grabbing another yogurt? Do you think the peppers like sitting in the fridge on their own?

The “extreme and ridiculous effort” stage
Because you’re obviously going to exercise for 750,000 hours and eat no chocolate at all this month. Obviously.

The “do I really care at all” stage
Do you? Really? Is it really worth giving up pizza in favour of thighs that don’t jiggle?

The “oh shit, I’m back where I started” stage
Oh well, never mind. There’s always next week.

Yeah, diets are hard.

Can anyone relate?

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6 Comments

  1. This is the exact reason I’ve sucked at dieting as well. I can’t say I’ve ever been successful – even cutting soda or sugar out of my diet. Asking me to quit eating chocolate is like telling someone to stop breathing.

  2. Dieting is hard. ~_~ It also doesn’t help when you love all sorts of food, especially the ones you love being the unhealthiest thing ever. Deep-fried food are one of my weaknesses. And sweets — to include chocolate! I can’t ever give those up X_X; I guess what works the best for me is to minimise the unhealthy food and eat the healthier options.

    Btw. I emailed you. Not sure if it went through or not.

  3. Hahaha, I had a good laugh reading this Amy! I can totally relate, especially in the past when I did diet to get into shape and was doing zero exercises! My mindset has changed since and in August last year when I started my fitness and healthy lifestyle journey, I kept reminding myself that I wasn’t on a diet. I was determined to make an impactful change in my life so I slowly (REALLY SLOWLY) started to switch for healthier food options.

    I stopped eating sugary cereals for breakfast and opted in for greek yogurt, fruits, and granola! It was slow changes like that, that led me to crave healthier options rather than the bad junk food. In fact, when I do have anything greasy nowadays, I get a really bad headache and feel really sick to the point I hate food which is so bad because food is great 👌🏻So I think doing it slowly, switching out or changing meals helped and the rest will follow if you keep your mind at it! Also chocolate isn’t bad – moderation is key! I have chocolate all the time! AND ITS OKAY <3

  4. This is exactly why I can’t diet. I love food TOO much. I can definitely relate and I’m always at the “oh shit, I’m back where I started” stage! I reckon moderation is key and slowly changing your eating habits is the way forward. (I say this like I would take my own advice, LOL). Good luck with the diet!

  5. I would marry a lettuce. They’re so refreshing and crunchy and sweet. They’re my third favourite, after broccoli and red peppers!
    The The “I’ve lost loads of weight so fuck it” stage is the stage I’m constantly in – only I haven’t lost weight but I’m imagining I will. “I will go to gym and lose weight, so this piece of cake now is fine, not a problem.”
    Good luck with the diet!

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